Tuesday, June 29, 2015
Today, I have a bit of a mix of emotions about our trip to Lake Arrowhead. I mean, not as in I feel totally out of it or like it was a crazy, crazy, crazy trip. However, I am feeling pretty mellow about it today, which is quite unusual for me. (And isn't that how you're supposed to feel on your last day of your 10-day sailing trip, no?) This is interesting for me since I was so not-into-it about the trip when we were leaving. That's because I was feeling such a complete lack of energy and any kind of enthusiasm for anything. I was tired, I had no appetite, I felt depressed, and I just wasn't feeling "it".
I did feel like this for a couple of days before we left. I know I was tired and I know I was drained because of my physical stresses from teaching, but the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was feeling low for an entirely different reason than I realized. It wasn't due to the high level of physical stress that I was experiencing, but because my first three months of the year were so tough that I didn't expect much more of anything. I hadn't really been doing a lot of positive thinking or focusing on what I wanted to get done. I guess I just let the negativity of the past months get to me and it wasn't pretty.
Since I didn't think I'd feel any better before our trip (as you can see from the above paragraph), I was pretty "iffy" on our trip. I had convinced myself it wasn't going to be good and then I'd think "Ok, it's been just as crappy the last three months, why would it be any better this time?" Yeah, I know that logic doesn't work, but I did feel pretty down about it. (I knew I'd feel better after we were done with the sail and my energy and mood would just slowly rise. I didn't think I'd still feel flat by the end of the 10 days.)
So, today was definitely not my usual feeling. I'm feeling like it was just a good ending to an interesting but difficult month. And I'm feeling pretty good about the future, which is a big change for me. I think we'll still need to create our own path and direction, but at least I don't feel as if everything is completely up in the
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